User:LizArchive/Xibei Hintza

Xibei Hintza is a Chinese-American martial artist, musician, wrestler, political operative, dancer, author, businessman, criminal, gay rights activist, actor, movie director, community organizer, and notorious great father of 25 children. Hintza identifies as an Anarcho-Communist and is a member of the Walkerist/Communist Party, as well as an Advisor to Gov. Harley Morris-Hintza.

Personal Life
Xibei Hintza was born on August 19, 1896 to Zhang Wei (1842-1938) and Wang Fang (1884-1896). His mother, only 12 year old at birth, died in child birth in 1896. His father, once rich and famous, became addicted to drugs, spent all his money, and by the time of Xibei's birth, was homeless. Xibei in 1904, only 8 years old, ran away from home to begin a career in dance. He became one of the most famous Chinese child dancers by 1905, then retired from dancing, at age 9. In 1907, he was adopted to a middle class family at age 11. On January 1, 1908, Hintza was randomly selected to direct a Chinese movie. It was a hit! He decided to never direct again though, citing "not enough money. I wanted billions, not millions." In 1909, only 13 years old, he met his first wife, Shinsho Juajua, and married her on the spot. Hintza then spent all his money on drugs and became a drug addict at age 13. He stayed addicted to drugs until his mother found his drug stash and grounded him for 3 hours, in 1913, at age 17. In 1914, at age 18, he became very active in Chinese politics, becoming a right-wing nationalist. He also began to take singing lessons at this time and released 91 albums in the span of 3 years, becoming one of the most notorious singers by 1916. In 1918, Hintza said "他媽的你的小bit子的屁股" to his wife, and realized he was a homosexual, divorcing her 3 minutes later. In 1919, Hintza immigrated to Toronto, Canada. He became an avid gay rights activist in 1919, organizing protests that in total had over 25,000,000 participants, with people coming from across the globe to support the person they know for being a famous Chinese child actor, singer, and dancer. It was at this time that he became a centrist and registered as an Independent in Canada. In 1921, he married John Walker, the hottest man in Canada, and adopted 21 children with him in the span of 9 hours. But, in 1922, Xibei Hintza murdered his husband, John Walker, out of pure spite.. he was sentenced to death. But, he escaped in 1923 and was never re-captured, and the prison guards said "Well, hes gone. He can be gone. Let him fly. Let him spread his wings." In 1924, Hintza began spending 23/24 hours a day studying martial arts and became the greatest in the world in under 6 days. He decided to retire after about 9 days. On January 3, 1925, Hintza decided to begin the Hintza Banking Corporation, he said "This is a great corporation. Our sweatshops in my hometown of Shanghai are making us lots. Viva the Soviet Union!". In 1928, Hintza married a 102 year old man, Mr. Mamama, and adopted 4 children with him. He said "The sex with older men, particularly, 100+, is like gold in the gold mine. Let 'em rumble!" About 3 days after his marriage, Mr. Mamama died at age 103. From 1928 to 1945, Hintza lived a quiet life, until he committed mass murder and was found guilty of the murder of 92 babies. He was charged with 3 months in prison, and 3 hot dogs. He escaped within 53 seconds of being in the cell. He had sex. On October 23, 1949, Hintza moved to Montgomery, Alabama, where he began a career as an advocate for segregation. But, in 1953, he quickly became an Anarcho-Communist, "Just let people chill like shit man chill". He became a drug addict again. He continued to be a Communist Organizer until 1974, when he married John F. Mennefy, and decided to become a family man instead of a Communist Organizer. They divorced in 1983 due to disputes over the Big Mac "Bababooey" is what Xibei Hintza has to say over the divorce. In 1985, his great friend, Harley Morris-Hintza, appointed him to Grand Advisor. On February 12, 1986, Hintza was diganosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer, Stage 4 Brain Cancer, Major Depression, Clinical Anxiety, and he began taking crack cocaine, yet saying he was big healthy sex. On January 19, 1987, Hintza was hospitalized.